Death Is A Part Of Living
"I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever
believes in me will live, even though he dies;
and whoever lives and believes in me will
never die. Do you believe this?"
The Bereaved Need Friends
The bereaved need friends after they lose a loved one.
This is a very sensitive subject but I am going to try to
help by giving some guidelines I read in a newspaper
column long ago. The credit for this column goes to
Ann Landers. Gosh, how I miss that lady!
There are right and wrong things to say and do when
a friend has lost a loved one. The most important thing,
however is to be there. So many people don't know
what is appropriate to say or do so they don't say or
do anything. Silence can be interpreted as indifference.
This can be very hurtful to the person who is grieving.
Use common sense and tact. Make yourself useful.
There are many ways that you can help. Ask if the
bereaved needs you to do some errands - or needs to
be driven somewhere. Help him or her keep a list
of friends who have brought over casseroles or
sent flowers, so they can be thanked appropriately
Listen. The best thing you can do is be present and
listen. Don't try to find answers for a person when
they need to find their own answers.
Be sincere. Speak from the heart. Don't offer cliché's such as:
"Things always work out for the best," or
"He is at peace now."
Don't proselytize. While religion can be a great
comfort, avoid talking about religion unless you
know the person shares your beliefs. Let the person
who is grieving lead the conversation, and
encourage him or her to talk.
Share memories. Say the persons name. Talk about
the happy times you had together. Repeating
incidents that have a bit of humor can dispel the
gloom - even at a funeral. No one will consider it
sacrilegious. They will welcome the levity.
Stay in touch. This takes time and energy, but it will
be greatly appreciated. Continue to check in with
the grieving person for the first month or two, or
longer and offer to help. Remember the
anniversaries and holidays - birthdays and the first
anniversary of the death - often giving the grief back.
Call or ask if he or she would like company, or
would be interested in doing something special,
perhaps a visit to the cemetery.
Your kindness will never be forgotten.
Author: Jacques Picard
The Elephant In The Room
There's an elephant in the room. It is large and
squatting, so it is hard to get around it. Yet we
squeeze by with, "How are you?" and "I'm fine"
And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.
We talk about the weather. We talk about work.
We talk about everything else - except the
elephant in the room.
We all know it is there. We are thinking about
the elephant as we talk. It is constantly on our
minds, For you see it is a very big elephant.
But we do not talk about the elephant in the room.
Oh, please, say her name. Oh, please, say
Oh, please, let's talk about the elephant in the room.
For if we talk about her death, Perhaps we can
talk about her life.
Can I say "Barbara" and not have you look away?
For if I cannot, you are leaving me
Alone…… in a room…..
With an elephant.
Author: Terry Kettering