After nine long months I will get to see him. I am happy and scared of what lies ahead. Everyone is here. The nursery is ready and so is he. The doctor says it is time. My son is coming home

There he is, screaming and mad that he was taken from his nice warm place in my womb. He is balling his fists and shivering. All the noise and the lights of the delivery room must be frightening to him but soon he will be in my arms and feel my heart beat and he will know he is safe. Tomorrow my son is coming home.


I comb his hair for the second time and tell him once again what a big boy he is. On his first day of kindergarten he looks far too young to be leaving me for a whole day. He is beaming but underneath I know he is scared. I hug him and hold my breath as the bus door closes. I am waving and smiling but I feel the tears coming. I follow the bus to school and finally have to leave him. Today is scary for both of us. After the hours tick by I hear the bus and I see him smiling and holding a picture he drew. My son is coming home.


I pack his overnight bag, stuffed full of clothes and snacks.. It is only for a night but I am convinced he is too young to sleep away from home with his friends. My husband says I have to stop babying him but I tell him he will always be my baby. I toss and turn most of the night. Part of me says it is a break for us but part of me wonders if he will be okay without us for the night. I call him first thing in the morning and am just a little jealous that he had fun and didn’t miss me. I pull up and beep the horn and he takes his time getting in the car. I can finally relax. My son is coming home.


His first date. Where has the time gone? I try to help him get ready and he tells me to leave him alone. I wonder what the girl is like that he is going to see. I wonder if he will behave. I worry about far too many things until I hear the door knob turn and can finally rest because my son is coming home.


I never thought this day would come but it is here in the blink of an eye. His cap and gown are in his car and he is insisting he doesn’t have time for any more pictures or he will miss his friend’s party. His diploma is tossed casually on the table as he heads out the door. I make him promise to be good and call us if he needs a ride home. He rolls his eyes and kisses me goodbye. I sit up looking at his baby pictures and crying because he became a man today and although he is thrilled to be free from high school , I am not ready to let go of my little boy. I hear his car pull in. My son is coming home.


I remember the day we drove him to the airport. I looked at the young man sitting next to me and wondered if he would do okay. Instead of asking him, I pat his hand and tell him that he will do great. He is walking in the footsteps of other men in our family and they too are proud of him. They call his flight. For the first time in many years, he doesn’t care who sees him as he hugs me tight and says, “I love you mom.” I promise myself not to cry. I wont see him for several months and he will be different when I see him again. I can’t wait for the time when my son is coming home.


Some how I make it through the first week and month and before I know it, I am heading back to the airport. I see him in his uniform. He is so handsome. Even his stance is different this time. Any traces of the boy who left here months ago is shed as he stands before us. I wonder who this stranger is but those thoughts are dashed when he spots me and smiles. I am thrilled that my son is coming home.


I have never been so torn. How can pride and love cause so much grief? I want this to just be a dream but it is not. I am more tired than I have ever been in my life. Everyone is here. The only thing I have to hold is the flag they folded from his casket. My husband accepts my son's medals from the officer who tells us our son is a hero. I promised myself I would not cry. I don’t know if there are any tears left. God, even though I am angry at you right now, you have to promise me you will take good care of my boy. My son is coming home.